Do you have an actor friend? Is he/she living in Boston?

If so, then I have some magnificent advice for you.

1) Never ask your actor friend if a gig she got is paying or not. If it is paying, chances are, she will tell you (because in Boston, that is a rare and precious thing). If it is not paying, congratulations, you just succeeded in making her feel like the part she just won is incredibly insignificant.

WRONG EXAMPLE:
ACTOR FRIEND. Hey, guess what? I just got cast as So-in-So in "So-in-So the Musical!" I'm so excited, I have always loved this show!
YOU. Wow, congratulations! Does that pay?
ACTOR FRIEND. No, actually.
YOU. Oh. Well, still, that's great.
ACTOR FRIEND. Thanks.

Good job. She now feels like it's not worth anything that she was cast because she's not making money. You just killed her buzz. You are a buzz killer.

RIGHT EXAMPLE:
ACTOR FRIEND. Hey, guess what? I just got cast as So-in-So in "So-in-So the Musical!" I'm so excited, I have always loved this show!
YOU. Congratulations, when is it?
ACTOR FRIEND. Next month!
YOU. I will have to come see it. That's great!
ACTOR FRIEND. Thanks!

Great! Your actor friends feels like her hard work is being acknowledged, and knows that it is indeed a good thing that she is playing her dream role.


2) Never ask your actor friend how big her role is. You can ask her to tell you about the character. A part will seem so much more meaningful if she can answer, "She's in her upper twenties, kind of a rebel, and she hates the main character" as opposed to answering, "Oh, not very big."

WRONG:
ACTOR FRIEND. Hey, guess what? I just got cast in that Shakespeare play I auditioned for!
YOU. Oh, wow! What part did you get?
ACTOR FRIEND. I'm Ursula!
YOU. Is that a big role?
ACTOR FRIEND. Well, it's not a lead or anything, but I'm in a few scenes.
YOU. Oh, cool.

Your friend now thinks that you only think it's worth getting excited over big roles. She now thinks that her excitement in landing the role seems awkward, since you apparently only think big roles are exciting. You are a loser.

RIGHT:
ACTOR FRIEND. Hey, guess what? I just got cast in that Shakespeare play I auditioned for!
YOU. Oh, wow! What part did you get?
ACTOR FRIEND. I'm Ursula!
YOU. And what kind of character is she?
ACTOR FRIEND. Oh, she's a lady-in-waiting to Hero, and she's very clever, and she's in love with Hero's uncle. It's a really fun part.
YOU. I am so happy for you!

Now your actor friend is aware that you share her joy in being cast. What a good friend you are.


3) Do not think that saying, "You were the best one up there," "It looked like you were having fun up there," "I loved your costume in the third act," or "Good job memorizing all of those lines" are acceptable compliments after seeing your friend in a performance. We actors realize that those are just clever ways of saying that you didn't enjoy the show. If you don't like the show, or your friend's performance, lie. The only time it is acceptable not to lie, unless you are a casting director, is if the actor friend has warned you that the show/her performance isn't very good.


4) Don't judge an actor/play by its venue. Seriously, don't. Size, as it turns out, does not matter. And in the Boston area, chances are your friend is not going to be performing to a crowd of 5,000. Or 500. Don't assume that the show in the black box theatre is worth any fewer accolades than one at the Colonial.

Got all of that? Good. Now pay attention--this final tip is the one to follow above all others.

5) Never under any circumstances ask your actor friend about the results of an audition unless she brings it up first. If your friend has not told you that she was cast, she wasn't, and asking her will only force an awkward situation. She does not want your pity. She does not want your advice to rally because "if it's not this, it will be something better." Unless your friend walks into your office and says, "So I didn't get the part," she doesn't want to talk about it. In fact, she probably wants to forget all of the hours and hours she spent at auditions and callbacks that ultimately led to nothing.

On behalf of all actors who have ever been rejected, been in a terrible show, devoted hours to a show without pay, performed for a crowd of 15, or played High School Student #3, I thank you.